Friday, April 8, 2011

How to quit... H

Is it possible to become physically addicted to a person?

I was lying on my couch eating pizza and sipping on some coke just now, when I decided to check Facebook. (Oh life... one day you'll make me fat.) There it was, the little 32 by 32 px picture of Mr. H (my second crush ever, who I have fallen without) with a green dot in the corner, indicating that he was online in chat. I clicked it, just for the sake of getting an adrenaline kick, and pretty soon he went offline.

That's when I noticed it. The moment that little green dot turned gray and Facebook told me "Mr. H is offline" I felt something strange and peculiar inside. I felt this... need. Breathing got harder, I felt like the inside of my head was itching with irritation, and my legs wanted to kick around in frustration. It reminded me of the Sundays when I have forgotten to buy cigarettes. They're awful.

This is awful, too. In fact, it's even worse. On cigarette-less Sundays I know that I'll have a cigarette in my mouth by Monday (sometimes sooner), but with this? I can NEVER have him. He is a straight boy in a relationship with some... hussy girl (okay, she's probably lovely). Yes, we are in the same class and I can look at him and speak with him from Monday to Friday, and on lucky days I even get to be so close to him that we accidentally touch. But that's all I get too, and I'm always left wanting more.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. The conclusion is that I have a horrible addiction.

Hello, I'm Christopher, and I'm a H-oholic. Fuck my life.

CHRIST I need a cigarette now. 

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