Please, just... do something. It would mean so much to me if you would just notice me more, if you could, at the very least, just talk to me just for the sake of wanting to talk to me, because you like me. Why can't you like me more? Why can't you like me the way I like you? Care about me the way I deeply care about you?

I sit here on my own, crying. Over you. Over the fact that I can never have you. Over the fact that I might never have anyone that I love. That I might end up old and alone.

If I could have you, just for a day, it would make it all so much more meaningful. It would give me hope, I need that hope. Just give me some fucking hope, I need it so fucking sorely.

I wish you could just call me. I wish you could come over. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could look at you all day. I wish I could run my fingers through your hair.

Most of all, I wish I could call you mine and tell you I'm in love with you.

I NEED YOU SO MUCH, AND I CAN NEVER HAVE YOU! WHY THE FUCK? WHY WHY WHY WHY WAS I FUCKING BORN WITH THIS FUCKING CURSE? I fucking hate this shit, it's not fucking fair. It's fucking miserable, and I would change it in a fucking second. Pride? What a FUCKING joke.

How to quit... H

Is it possible to become physically addicted to a person?

I was lying on my couch eating pizza and sipping on some coke just now, when I decided to check Facebook. (Oh life... one day you'll make me fat.) There it was, the little 32 by 32 px picture of Mr. H (my second crush ever, who I have fallen without) with a green dot in the corner, indicating that he was online in chat. I clicked it, just for the sake of getting an adrenaline kick, and pretty soon he went offline.

That's when I noticed it. The moment that little green dot turned gray and Facebook told me "Mr. H is offline" I felt something strange and peculiar inside. I felt this... need. Breathing got harder, I felt like the inside of my head was itching with irritation, and my legs wanted to kick around in frustration. It reminded me of the Sundays when I have forgotten to buy cigarettes. They're awful.

This is awful, too. In fact, it's even worse. On cigarette-less Sundays I know that I'll have a cigarette in my mouth by Monday (sometimes sooner), but with this? I can NEVER have him. He is a straight boy in a relationship with some... hussy girl (okay, she's probably lovely). Yes, we are in the same class and I can look at him and speak with him from Monday to Friday, and on lucky days I even get to be so close to him that we accidentally touch. But that's all I get too, and I'm always left wanting more.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. The conclusion is that I have a horrible addiction.

Hello, I'm Christopher, and I'm a H-oholic. Fuck my life.

CHRIST I need a cigarette now.